Doogie Horner, 30

Let me start by saying, wait – is it relevant that he’s thirty? I don’t watch a lot of America’s Got Talent, or anything that doesn’t involve Tina Fey, Jon Stewart, or saucy puppets, but is that a thing? Would they have mentioned his age if he were… 27? I guess I’m just feeling particularly mortal – what with a birthday coming up and not being a Highlander. I’m not a Highlander, by the way.

I love this video because… maybe it’s mean-spirited, and maybe the kind of people who watch this sort of thing seem to have it coming, but whatever, I like him just kind of holding himself in while the crowd cackled away – he seemed very… likable, and I just appreciated him.

Also, take away line: I don’t trust pregnant people. It feels like they’re hiding something.

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