the work and personal site of Jared Alessandroni

Posts Tagged ‘dilemma’

Welcome to Jared Says

Wednesday, April 15th, 2009

I know at least a few of my friends are going to be looking at this, so I wanted to start on an up-note. CC introduced me to Pocoyo a few months back, and it’s one of those things you wouldn’t figure out on your own, like how to make tortilla chips or have sex.

There, doesn’t that set things up?

Every episode of Pocoyo is the same – it’s like Two and a Half Men – Pocoyo kind of messes up but it’s okay.  He’ll touch something he wasn’t supposed to and knock it down or he’ll be mean.  His friends will explain what’s wrong and then he’ll either apologize or it will turn out not to have been such a big deal and he will have, ostensibly, learned his lesson.  Either way, almost invariably, he will come out at the end with praise from the narrator, Bravo Pocoyo!

I always hesitated as an educator to sell that kind of lesson.  Sometimes things screw up and you don’t have that kind of out.  Sometimes your friends aren’t – and you have to really make decisions that are harder and more complicated when you’re not ready to make them.

I have to decide in the next few days how I’m going to fight something that happened to me professionally.  I have the support of my co-workers, friends, and even my boss, but I’m still not comfortable with it.  Besides wishing I’d kept in touch with that lawyer I dated who handled stuff like this (but she was a terrible shaver – who misses when it’s like, half your leg?), I start to find myself trying to be more selfish.  Which is a lot to say for someone who lives like I do, I know.

But the school I helped to found stands to lose for what I stand to win, and it’s an ugly place to be.  My co-workers have offered their support beyond anything I could have asked, but what I keep telling them is what I keep having to tell myself – whatever you do to hurt the school hurts the kids who are there.  On the other hand, and I do this a lot, I think it’s like Dogville.  Maybe.  Maybe, I deserve better.  Maybe I’ve put so much of myself and my time and my life into this that I shouldn’t walk away without getting exactly what I want.  And deserve.

So on Wednesday, I have a meeting that will determine where this goes.  I can walk in there and say, You know, do what’s best for the school.  Or, I can walk in there and say, You know, you’re going to give me what’s fair, or else I’ll take it.  Sure, there’s probably some place in between, but what that is or what it looks like almost doesn’t matter.  I wish we could all just sit in a room and talk it over and realize that nothing has to be this way, and budgets don’t matter that much, and lawsuits and jobs.

At the end, maybe it all does come to sweet, friendly nothing. I worked hard, I did what I thought was best, and I was good.  Someday, hopefully a good few decades and a wife and kids and a friendly, not-too-small, not-too-slobbery dog away, maybe someone will smile knowingly and reaffirm all that, and this exhausting futile exercise will fade into nothing.  Bravo, Pocoyo.  Bravo.